Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
