you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
