there's paper in my vomit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
