I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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