Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
