i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We're too hungover to prance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
