i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
