The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
