That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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