This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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