Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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