I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
