her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Let's paint friendship bongs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
