i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
