Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
