apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
