i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
