Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
