eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
