He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
