I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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