You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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