So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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