i think my mom watched the whole time
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
