He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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