I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
