I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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