I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
