She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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