He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
