Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
