Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
