you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
