I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
