thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
