help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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