his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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