I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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