so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
