I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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