is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
