I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
