so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
