I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
