What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish i was in the wii world.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
