dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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