We won't sleep together?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
