Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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