She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
