This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
