Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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