Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
