D3 body, D1 cock
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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