I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How does it feel to date your dad?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
